


Small Sacrifice

by softwinds



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, First Time, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Resolved Sexual Tension, mockumentary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:28:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24792361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softwinds/pseuds/softwinds
Summary: “And the gift is Nandor,” Nadja crosses her fingers and stares into the camera, “We have decided, and I apologize for my wording here, to pimp Nandor out to Gizmo. Because Laszlo thinks that Gizmo wants his bum. It’s actually not that bad. It’s like prostitution, just without the money part. Just a small sacrifice for our future.”
Relationships: Guillermo/Nandor the Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV)
Comments: 48
Kudos: 333





	Small Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> The mockumentary part is heavily inspired by [Baby Steps](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22090876) by [katiemariie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katiemariie/pseuds/katiemariie).
> 
> No beta no shame we die like men

“We, as a household, have reached an important decision.” Laszlo gazes over to Nadja, who’s holding his hand tightly, nodding while looking sympathetically into the camera, “We have agreed that something must be done about this whole Gizmo situation.”

“As you might know, Nandor’s little familiar has turned out to be a cold-blooded vampire killer.” Nadja makes a throat-slitting gesture, grimacing, “And because of that, we are now in a little bit of trouble. And by trouble I mean the entire Vampiric Council is going to come for us, probably put us in a big net, and get us properly killed.”

Camera pans over to Laszlo. He waits for his wife to continue, before realizing that he's expected to carry on their annoucement, “Yes, it is all very unfortunate. And now, this might come as a surprise, but we are not one hundred percent positive that we can take on the entire Vampiric Council on our own.”

He painfully throws his head back, looking defeated when he returns to face the camera.

“You have Danny, first of all.” Nadja sighs solemnly, holding out her index finger.

“Yes, Danny is a tough one.” Laszlo agrees.

“And you also have Rob.”

“I for sure wouldn’t mess with Rob.”

“And then you have Weasley, who is an actual vampire hunter,” Nadja winces, “Deacon is fine though. I think we can take on Deacon, even though I like him quite a bit, which would be a shame.”

Laszlo nods and puts his hand on Nadja’s lap. He adjusts his posture slightly, straightening his back and gestures towards the Guillermo’s old bedroom, “And that’s why, as a household, we have decided that we need a certain level of assistance. That’s right, from Gizmo. It is by majority vote, of course. Me myself, my good lady wife, and Colin Robinson, we have all voted yes to take some measures and get Gizmo on our side. This is to say we’re to slightly lower ourselves—"Nadja shakes her head painfully, brows knitted together, as Laszlo continues, “and to try and make an alliance with our little human. Just in case we need someone to watch our back.”

“Oh just tell them the truth!” Nadja cries out. She points towards the camera dramatically, “We are really in it this time, and we are going to beg him to help us! I don’t know what happened, but now little Gizmo can kill our kind so easily, like an old cat trying to catch a very fat and lazy mouse. It is scary! We have no idea how to ask him, or what would please him, or what his name is really—” She covers her face with her hands, some of her nail polish is peeling slightly.

“—But we will be fine!” Laszlo reaches over and tugs Nadja into his arm, “Because we have formulated a perfect plan. We will give him something he wants, a really nice gift, and he will owe us a favor. And bam! Problem is solved.”

“And the gift is Nandor,” Nadja crosses her fingers and stares into the camera, “We have decided, and I apologize for my wording here, to pimp Nandor out to Gizmo. Because Laszlo thinks that Gizmo wants his bum. It’s actually not that bad. It’s like prostitution, just without the money part. Just a small sacrifice for our future.”

“Just a small sacrifice,” Laszlo grips Nadja’s shoulder tightly and makes his final statement, "Nandor's bums are not that bad at all."

-

“I will never allow myself to do anything that is beneath my dignity. I am a very prideful vampire. I do not just go around sacrificing myself for other people,” Nandor says, as he rubs some type of oil onto his biceps, which are already shimmering against the candlelight. He is standing and facing away from the camera, wearing a rose colored bathrobe, two pale but shimmery legs sticking out from underneath, “I am a king. I am a conqueror. People sacrifice themselves for me, not the other way. And that is why I said no when Laszlo asked me to sell my body in order to please Guillermo.”

Nandor turns around. He is bare chested under the bathrobe, and it is not clear whether he’s wearing any undergarment at all. His beard is also shimmery.

“Guillermo was my familiar for ten years. We had our ups and downs. I found him, he left me, he came back, he left me again; he killed a bunch of vampires to save me; he revealed that his great granddaddy was a vampire killer,” Nandor pauses and darts his eyes to the side, an unreadable look on his face, “ he came back to pick up his things, and he left me again. I have not seen him in a week— It was all very hurtful. He is a very cruel person. I have always treated him nicely— well, I have often treated him nicely, and he was not grateful. But I did not cry. I did not get angry. I did not let my feelings be hurt. I have not gone into his room since, not even once. I accepted it calmly, because I am a very mature vampire.”

Camera pans over to the floor. A pile of blood-soaked human clothes sits in a basket filled with thin, bubbling liquid, forming waves as if it is alive, and lets out a faint, agonized cry every time a bubble pops. The voice sounds a lot like Nandor.

“However, after some serious thinking and considering, I do realize that we are in a very worrying situation.” Nandor gives the camera a nervous, toothy smile, “Things are not great. It is quiet now, but I know that they are planning. The Vampiric Council is coming for us.”

Nandor plods across the room and sits down in a chair. In front of him is a small table, with different jewelry on top. There are necklaces, a handful of belly chains, a pair of gold earrings, and a small pile of colorful, bejeweled rings. Nandor examines them for a few seconds, then picks up a thin, gold belly chain decorated with oval shaped rubies. He puts it in his bathrobe pocket.

“I am going to put it on when you are gone.” Nandor shifts his legs, “Which will be soon. Because I am going to meet Guillermo tonight. I am going to swallow my pride and convince him to help us. Colin Robinson provided a timed share for us; we have it all set up; and Nadja has given me a lot of oil. Laszlo helped me to learn about fucking a human without killing them, because it has been a very long time since I last did that.”

Nandor licks his lips and stares off into the distance. It takes him a feel seconds to snap back.

“Do I expect sex? The answer is yes.” Nandor stands up, holding up a small bottle of oil before putting it back into his pocket, “I am a very sexy vampire. Am I confident that I will do an amazing job? Again, yes. I am a great lover. Am I going to make love to Guillermo so well that he comes back to me, or am I doing this for the safety of vampires in this house?” Nandor opens his mouth, but nothing comes out as if he has stumped himself. 

“I am not anxious at all. I am very calm, and this is a business decision.” He clears his throat, and walks toward the open window, adjusting his bathrobe slightly.

“I need to go. Does this look sexy? One of Laszlo’s old familiar left it here. It is from bed, bat and begone. Those people really know their priorities.”

Nandor stops. A thumb up appears at the edge of the frame. Nandor nodded. He stretches out his arms, yells “bat!”, and disappears into a column of black smoke.

-

“Yes, I have been notified that Nandor wants to see me.” Guillermo looks back at the camera with an anxious smile, as he strides forward with great speed, “There’s a text. Sent to my mom’s cellphone number. I don’t know how they got it; I assume it was Colin Robinson, from the wording of the text, also because my mom fell asleep chatting with them. She was doing dishes.”

“They want me to be there at 11 PM and the text was sent at 10:30.” Guillermo looks down at his phone, almost slips on a crashed soda can. “I guess time doesn’t matter that much if you can fly or be immortal.”

Guillermo shakes his head.

“You know, I haven’t seen them in a week. They never reached out to me, never tried to contact me. They could have looked me up. They know my name, where I’m from… I even left a piece of paper in my room with my email address written on it. I guess they just don’t want any more trouble. And I don’t blame them.” Guillermo lets out a sigh.

“I missed them a lot. I still do. Is it sad that I miss them?”

He pauses. A muffled, unintelligible voice can be heard, likely from the cameraman, and Guillermo chuckles sadly.

“Thank you. I hated myself for that. But I suppose you can’t— you can’t just forget someone. You can’t just turn off part your brain like a robot. Beep-boop. Am I right? No after living with them for ten years. It is not easy. I tried.” Guillermo sniffs quietly and takes a deep breath, as he keeps on walking, “I tried very hard. Everything went bad after I killed the Baron, so I felt a bit guilty trying to forget about those things.”

The camera follows Guillermo into a narrow side street. Guillermo is quiet, and the camera pans up as a bat flies across the night sky.

“I don’t know what to think about Nandor,” Guillermo says softly, unprompted, “Or what to say to him, really. I didn’t bring anything threatening tonight. No cross, no holy water, no silver, definitely no stake. I hope this is not a trap of some sort. You know, selling me to the council.” he gulps.

“No, I trust Nandor. He can be a pain… a pain to deal with sometimes, but I don’t think he will hurt me, and I’ll be very sad if he does. I just mean that,” he knocks on the side of his head, “he can be confused sometimes. I hope that he’ll talk to me first.”

The narrow road reaches an end. A small house stands in the moonlight, with dark grey roof and beige colored vinyl sidings. Two front windows are open, curtains closed, and the shape of a candle can be seen through one of them.

“Guess we’re here!” Guillermo turns around to the camera with an awkward smile, “Well, I’ll go in by myself, just in case anything happens. Things always happen to me. Don’t worry, I’ll be ok either way.”

-

Nandor drags an armchair into the hallway, and slumps himself in like a giant sack of potato, facing the front door. He then remembers that he's supposed to seductive, so he straightens up a bit, spreading his legs apart just enough to leave some room for fantasy. His belly chain glitters in the moonlight, very sexy and luxurious.

Nandor jumps when the door cracks open.

“Fucking—”

“Nandor?”

Guillermo stands at the door. His jaw drops open, surprise written all over his face. Nandor can’t help but grins: it seems that he still got it. He stands up and strolls towards Guillermo, hovering over the smaller man like a shimmering tree. He closes the door behind him. Looking down, Guillermo’s cheeks are flustered pink. An unfamiliar feeling coils in Nandor’s chest.

“I have not seen you in a long time, Guillermo.” He says, voice softer than he expected.

“I uh, I didn’t know you wanted to see me?” Guillermo swallows, looking up with wide eyes, “You didn’t contact me at all?”

“How can I know where to find you? I am not a witch, or a puppy dog! I can not trace you from your smell!” Nandor protests. Now that he thinks about it, the dog idea could have worked out. “You just left, with all your stuff! Woosh, gone, no more Guillermo!”

“I left my email address in my old room.”

“ Your e-mail address...” Nandor grumbles. He hasn’t gone into Guillermo’s old bedroom at all, because he couldn’t stand it. Just the thought of that room, now completely empty, painfully tightens a string in his chest. Nandor steps back a little, giving Guillermo enough space to get inside. Guillermo sighs, and slowly walks in without saying a word, but Nandor can hear his heart beating furiously. Nandor lines himself up besides Guillermo, guiding him in the bedroom direction.

“As you might have known, from my invitation, that I wish to see and speak with you tonight.” Nandor turns around and lightly presses onto Guillermo’s shoulder. His body shivers underneath his palm, through the wool-weaved vest. Humans are very suggestible, and that is why he tried not to touch Guillermo often. He needed to keep the master-familiar relationship clean and sustainable. Nandor did not want to lose him; but tonight is different, tonight he comes with a mission. Besides, he needs not to worry about the consequence, now that Guillermo is no longer his familiar.

“O…K?” Guillermo creases his brows, looking confused and drifts ever so slowly, following Nandor’s guiding hand, “And what do you want to talk about? Why are you wearing a bathrobe?” He looks at Nandor’s forearm, “Why are you shinny?”

_Be smart, Nandor. Don’t say anything stupid. Just don’t say anything._

Nandor opens the bedroom door silently and leads Guillermo inside. The room is dark, and in the center is one large, neatly made bed, candles glimmering on the nightstand. The walls are plain white, but Nandor has hung a rather erotic picture on it (a painting of himself laying on a large fur rug, his private parts covered with banana and pomegranate. Very good aphrodisiacs when he could still eat them).

“Nothing in particular, Guillermo.” Nandor leans against his own portrait _seductively_ , reassuring himself that this is pure business, and courting a human is not embarrassing at all. He truly doesn’t know what to say, since he sort of anticipated that Guillermo would have more things to say.

“Is there anything that you want me to know?” Nandor tries to act casual.

Guillermo opens his mouth, but not a single word comes out. He does it again, looking as if he's desperately filtering through his squishy human brain, trying to find the right sentence. Nandor watches as his nose gradually turns pink, like a delicate little button.

“I… I missed you a lot.” Guillermo mutters, finally, “And I’m sorry that I had to go.”

Something in Nandor’s stomach drops. His dead heart heavy as an anchor. For a brief moment, everything he has planned is gone from his mind as Guillermo’s voice hits him cold and hard.

“Then come back,” Nandor whispers, voice cracking against his will, “Come home with me, Guillermo.”

“I can’t. I won’t do it anymore,” Guillermo peers down at his feet before picking up his head, and stares bitterly into Nandor’s eyes, “I can’t be your familiar forever. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore, not vampires, not humans. I can’t do it for much longer." He hesitates, "And I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You do not need to be my familiar,” Nandor pleads. He feels naked, and not just from his lack of clothes, “I will not make you do it. You can just be… Guillermo.”

“Then why?” Guillermo chuckles bitterly, “Why do want me back? Just to have a human roommate?”

“Guillermo, you know the reason.”

Guillermo bites down on his lower lip, a mixture of emotions on his face, and Nandor feels dizzy. He has to do something, and he has to do it now. With all the strength he can master, Nandor steps forward and holds out his arms around Guillermo. He takes one step, and another, and another, until Guillermo's back is against the wall. Guillermo does not struggle, his heartbeats strong and rapid, pouring into Nandor’s eardrums. Nandor carefully reaches up, places his thumb upon Guillermo’s chin. Guillermo hisses out loud, as if Nandor’s cold, oiled up finger is hot as searing iron.

Nandor growls, cupping Guillermo’s face with his hands. He pushes his chest forwards, until Guillermo is completely trapped underneath his body. He smells so good, so tempting, like a ripening fruit waiting to be devoured.

“Guillermo…”

He needs this.

Nandor reaches into the hem of Guillermo’s sweater, pulling his shirt loose, and slides his hands in. He touches Guillermo’s warm human skin, every dip, every thin line and every stretchmark feels like electricity under his fingertips. Guillermo lets out a shaky gasp, buries his face into Nandor’s chest. He moves his large, rough hands again, roams and explores upon Guillermo’s back. He can feel Guillermo’s whole body shuddering every time his fingernails scrapes against his sweet, delicious flesh. It makes his mouth water, and his dead heart almost starting to pound.

“I am going to eat you whole,” Nandor whispers hoarsely, voice so low that it surprises even himself. Guillermo squirms as Nandor tips down his head and traces small kisses along his forehead, before moving to his ears, lips gently tugging his earlobe, taking the trickling sound of bloodflow within this soft, fragile human body. Nandor swallows, “I am going to suck you dry… and I am going to savor you between my teeth.”

Guillermo moans loudly, his fists tight on Nandor’s robe. Nandor runs his hands down, feeling Guillermo’s soft, ample butt through his pants. His dick feels long and hard, aching slightly against his thigh. Nandor growls and grabs onto Guillermo’s waistband. With a short tearing sound, the pants slide loose as buttons fall to the ground clinking. Cheap modern material… but Nandor is more than grateful at this moment. He moves his hands impatiently and grabs a handful of Guillermo's buttocks, purring from the pure bliss.

“I’ll just,” Guillermo pants, and tries to step away from Nandor, “I’ll just take my clothes off. By myself. Don’t … please don’t do that again.”

Guillermo stumbles back just enough to set his arms aside, hands fumbling to reach for his collar. Nandor watches as he unbuttons his sweater-vest, and underneath that, his nipples perking faintly against his cream-colored shirt. His cheeks flush with pink, his hands unsteady, a warm wet spot on his groin barely visible on his dark colored briefs. Nandor watches, and it lights his throat on fire. Guillermo is so vulnerable, so naked under the dim candle light, yet Nandor knows that there is something so dangerous, so murderous and downright lethal underneath all that sugar coating.

Little human, yet he has so much power over Nandor. How did he let this happen?

He reaches out and touches Guillermo’s cheek again, in an almost curious way, thumbing over those delicate rosy lips. Guillermo lets out a quivering moan and Nandor’s dick hardens, almost throbbing at this point, poking a tent out of his bathrobe.

Fucking man...

Nandor grabs Guillermo’s arms and turns him around. He keeps on moving, forcing Guillermo to stumble backwards until he is cornered against the bed. Guillermo looks up with misty eyes, and opens his mouth; before he can let out anything intelligible, Nandor grips his shoulders and pushes him down, until he lands onto the sheet with Nandor sprawling on top. His erection digs into Guillermo’s perfect, smooth belly, and he tries his best not to grind down. His grips tighten, head fills with desire, as well as something else he had long forgotten.

“Guillermo, I am going make love to you.” Nandor runs his palm over Guillermo’s bare chest, and whispers in his most gentle tone, hovering over the small, trembling man. “If you want to.” He knows that he will not survive if Guillermo says no.

“Yes, _Master_ ,” Guillermo’s face becomes bright red, while Nandor’s balls ach at the familiar sound of _that name_ , “I mean Nandor. I’m sorry. I—”

He did not have a chance to finish when Nandor covers his mouth with his full, plumped lips, licking in with immeasurable lust. Nandor groans into Guillermo’s mouth as he explores the wet, burning heat in an almost filthy manner, careful not to break skin with his vampire-teeth. He is a great lover in the vampire-for-vampire persuasion, and he must be a damn good kisser too, because Guillermo’s hands suddenly grasp his hair tightly, his legs wrapping around his waist, like a drowning man holding on for dear life. Nandor can feel his dick growing harder and harder every time a trapped little whimper escapes from Guillermo’s mouth. He would have kept going, if not for Guillermo struggling underneath him, cock grinding into Nandor’s groin each time he squirms.

Nandor finally breaks their lips apart, and throws his bathrobe onto the floor. He kneels between Guillermo’s legs, and stares in marvel as Guillermo desperately gulps for air, a burning flame rising in his abdomen. He can see that Guillermo is gazing at him, admiring his oiled body, gold and rubies shine against his toned pecs, and he would be lying to say that he is not proud.

“Do you like what you see, Guillermo?” Nandor grins, as he places his palm upon Guillermo’s groin, massaging his erection with a torturing rhythm. Guillermo is trembling at this point, almost sobbing, bucking up his hips again and again to meet Nandor’s hand, “You are an exciting young man, Guillermo. I never see this side of you.”

Guillermo shuts his eyes and lets out a strangled cry. His heartbeats are unbelievably fast, chest bounces up and down as his rapid, shallow breaths become more and more unsteady. Gibberish words come out of his mouth, mixed in with such dirty, desperate moans Nandor did not know humans can produce. Guillermo seems to be losing control, his knees shaking, skin glittering with sweat, hands gripping in Nandor’s hair, a hot, delicious, shaking mess trapped underneath Nandor’s body. He growls. He grinds even harden onto Guillermo’s groin, spare hand moving to palm his own erection. He knows that Guillermo is close, he can see it on his face and his skin and between the fluttering of his eyes—

“Nandor, please, please don’t stop, please don’t stop, please—"

Guillermo comes with a shaky sob. Nandor pulls down Guillermo’s briefs as white, hot seeds spread across his belly. His arms have gone soft and dangling, as if they are boneless.

Ah. So this is all it takes. A voice rings in Nandor’s head. He has done a good job, as Guillermo has reached his climax and therefore probably pleased. According to their plan, the next step is to talk business… But for some reason, Nandor still feels so unsatisfied, so unfulfilled, his own erection becoming almost unbearable. He waits for a few seconds, and decides that he will not have any more internal battles. No more lying to himself. He has been yearning and dreaming, and the desire only grew stronger after the night he saw what havoc Guillermo could wreak with his innocent human hands. Nandor bends down and sticks out his tongue, trailing upon Guillermo’s soft warm skin, fantasizing about the life and spirit pulsing underneath. Yes, he has wanted this for a long time.

“Nandor?”

“What now, Guillermo?”

“What is… what is happening,” Guillermo whispers. He has clearly given up. For a moment, Nandor does not know how to answer. “Do not think about it,” He finally says, because he is definitely not thinking about it, “I will fuck you now. Might be a bit difficult, since you have finished so fast. Not very considerate at all.”

Guillermo responds with a whimper, his cock jumping slightly. Nandor holds onto his hips and rolls him over in a swift move. His body tenses up as Nandor runs his hands up his buttocks, growling with excitement.

Nandor reaches towrds the nightstand, and dips his fingers in even more oil, “Push your bottom up, Guillermo. I’m going to prepare you. I do not want to hurt you.”

Guillermo pushes up his lower body, face buried in pillows, hyperventilating. Nandor gently brushes against his entrance, savoring all his muffled whines and fast, tempting heartbeats. When he finally pushes the tip of a thick, long finger into Guillermo’s hole, Guillermo lets out a strangled scream, his whole body rocking forward involuntarily. But Nandor follows, sprawling over Guillermo, his finger fucking him so deep and so slow. Nandor's spare hand squeezes his own cock as Guillermo pants against his hand and buries him in burning heat. He adds a second finger, scissors and stretches Guillermo out. More and more filthy moans escape from the pillow, as Guillermo’s once escaping hips start to rock back slightly, meeting Nandor’s hand.

Guillermo reaches towards his hardening dick, but Nandor catches his wrist and binds it to his back. His own cock is almost leaking precome at this point, pulsing for attention, and Nandor cannot think straight.

He adds one more finger, bucking his hips forward with the same motion. Guillermo is going to climax again; he can feel it building in his muscles. He stops, slowly pulling the fingers away, dragging the process intentionally as Guillermo winces at his loss. He lines up his cock against Guillermo’s entrance, and Guillermo freezes in place.

“Nandor,” he mutters, “I haven’t— I have never—”

“I know, Guillermo. I am not stupid,” Nandor frowns. Of course Guillermo is a delicious little virgin. His scent is so sweet and tempting, so strong and alive, even the dumbest vampire would know. But soon he will not be a virgin anymore, very soon. He will no longer be a juicy, tempting meal, but he will be _his and his alone_. 

Nandor pushes forward, let Guillermo’s searing heat slowly wrap around him, and he groans from the intensity of this sensation.

“You are a good boy, Guillermo, taking me in so perfectly…”

Guillermo cries out in pain, but he pushes back this time, grinds against Nandor’s hard, lengthened dick. He is completely spread open, his own cock standing up towards his belly, yearning for any kind of friction. Nandor tugs him closer, griping his prefect, shaking thighs and turns him over, facing himself. He tugs on Guillermo’s dick and watches as Guillermo jerks up, heels bouncing on Nandor’s back. He looks so perfect, thin sweat shimmering on his forehead and flushing up to the tips of his ears; his thin, delicate lashes shadowing on his tanned skin. 

Nandor fucks into Guillermo, taking hard, unforgiving thrusts as Guillermo helplessly digs his fingers into Nandor’s forearms, knuckles all white. He throws his head back with parting lips, and the noises he makes push Nandor closer to the edge. Nandor groans as Guillermo stretches around him, as he drives in as deep as he can. He knows that it must hurt, but Guillermo is taking him so well, so raw and naked and honest, as if the rewarding pleasure is utterly overwhelming. Nandor bends down and kisses him again, hot and open, fingers running across Guillermo’s chest and gently pinches his nipples.

And then he feels it, Guillermo tightens around him, hips spasming uncontrollably, eyes rolling back. He is coming untouched. Nandor growls, pounding and slamming his groin onto Guillermo’s buttocks while tightly holding him down, like a lion trapping his prey, until his vision suddenly goes blank. He tips over the edge, streams of semen filling up his human’s warm, welcoming body. He holds Guillermo so tight against his chest, mouthing his neck as the ecstasy of orgasm washes over him.

They lay there for a moment, in silence. The room is filled only with Guillermo’s shallow breaths. Nandor finally slides out, cock slick with semen and oil, and rolls over to lay on his back. Bruises were left where he griped on Guillermo, but he doesn’t seem to mind, as they just lay there, on their back, the smell of sex emanating from their skin.

Nandor knows that he should say something, or at least clean himself up (since Guillermo seems to have passed out), but right now he has no strength to get up. He strokes Guillermos’s hair, dead heart filled with such fondness that he didn’t know he could contain. Nandor tugs Guillermo into his arms, throws a leg over Guillermo’s waist, and decides to worry about it later.

For now, he is satisfied.

-

“Yes! Sure, come on in.” Colin Robinson stands in the doorway of his new basement bedroom. He waves, as the camera follows him inside. The room looks exactly the same as his old one, from the file cabinet to his stripped sheet and pillowcases. He sits on his bed and joins his hands together.

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t trust those three to make any decision, or try to use their brain and formulate any type of plan at all, if I’m being honest with you. Yes, they’re good vampires. They often have good intentions, but their methods of getting what they want can be very poorly thought-out and extremely worrying sometimes.” Colin blinks, a gleeful smile rises on his face, “And that’s why I always agree with them. I just push them here and there, see where it goes, and pick up some snacks along the way. You get the idea. A man’s got to eat.”

He shrugs.

“I was not surprised when Nadja and Laszlo suggested to sell Nandor out. I was waiting for a tri-vampire cat fight at some point, so I said yes. I was hungry, you know.” He holds up his hands and makes a clawing motion, “I even offered my time share to feed the flame. So no, that didn’t surprise me. What surprised me was that Nandor went along with it. 

"He and Guillermo had a complex relationship." Colin says.

“Guillermo wanted a lot of things. He wanted to be a vampire; he wanted brownies and coconut flavored refreshments, very often; he wanted more respect.”

Colin nods as he lists on, “And he wanted Nandor. Very strongly, actually, and since the very beginning too. He vibrates every time he tries to hide his feelings, and it was very delicious. I could also sense something from Nandor, but he gave out that energy every time he sees a virgin. So, I wouldn’t know.

“After that night at Théâtre des Vampires, I’d say things changed. Nandor can try to lock his feelings up, but he was not a subtle one. He cried for twenty-nine hours after Guillermo left. Capricorns are like that,” Colin holds up a tiny piece of flyer, “Yes, I know. I got into astrology recently. Fascinating stuff. Do you know that there are people in Asia who views blood types the same way, just as we view star signs? I am making a complete chart of blood type and star sign combinations, both RH positive and RH negative, with key words highlighting each one’s loves, hates and personality traits, and their corresponding bird breeds in the broad tri-state area. Chirp chirp.” Colin’s smile gets wider as he stares intensely into the camera.

“And I think, since we are all already here, you and I and our other chaps should have a test run. What do you think? What sign are you? When is your birthday? During which hour are you born?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! English is not my first language and I haven't written anything in ages... So yeah I just really needed to put this story out so I can stop thinking about it  
> My tumblr is [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/juicejuicebaby)  
> (I'd really appreciate it if someone can point me to a WWDITS discord!)  
> Thanks again! :D


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